I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
