dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
