He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
