Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
