you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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