I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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