I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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