Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
