he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
