she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
