I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
