You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
