2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There r osticjed everywhere
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
