So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Small penises have feelings too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
