dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
