My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
