God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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