They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
