I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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