You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
