We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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