i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
