rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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