idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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