i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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