pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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