I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You made out with two different species that night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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