Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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