yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
