I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
