Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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