I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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