Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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