so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
