Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
