At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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