I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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