I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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