The best revenge is premature balding
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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