shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
