We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know her cup size but not her name....
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