His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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