he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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