i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
