don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
