WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
