every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
