I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
