EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
