I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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